One of the most difficult tasks in life is figuring out who you are. A student? A teacher? A dog trainer? A waitress? A mom? A brother? A nurse?
Yeah, you may be one or more of these things. But that is not WHO you are. These days we all define ourselves by our jobs. And many times we don’t even like our jobs, trying to move on to find something better. That is reason enough to NOT define ourselves by what we do for money (unless maybe you are a prostitute, but that is a whole ‘nother level of issue my friend).
It’s funny – we can spend all day looking at others, knowing exactly the type of person they are. But it is not the same when we look at ourselves. I don’t think that we spend enough time looking in the mirror. NO, not in a vain way. And NO not in a skeptical way. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and actually thought about what you stand for; about who you really are? Instead of looking at your nose, thinking it is too big. Instead of wishing you had the body of Halle Berry. Instead of staring at your ass wondering if your jeans suit them well.
Enough. Once we start accepting ourselves for who we are RIGHT NOW, we will start realizing who we are. We will start believing that we are good enough. And we will naturally become happier, because happiness comes from within. If we are not happy with ourselves, what else matters? It all starts with you. Just you. Not you and your boyfriend, your family, friends, or your pets. It is just you.
That is why we are so messed up with defining ourselves. People think that having the most amazing boyfriend in the world is all that matters. These people define themselves through their partners. Same goes with mothers, fathers, uncles, etc. We are so much more than titles. Of course the people we value in our lives are extremely important in making us happy, even determining what we are doing with our lives. But that is not everything. It is not who we are deep down.
I am going to use myself as an example. I am a 24 year old cat mommy, sister, daughter, friend, godmother, and sales associate. These are all descriptions of myself that do not define me – but describe me on the outer level. All of these titles mean nothing without what I actually bring to them. Someone that comes into the jewelry store that I work at can clearly see that I am a sales associate at a jewelry store. Fortunately, that is not all that I am. Who I am is how I treat the strangers that I help each day. Who I am is what I decide to do with my time on my lunch break. Who I am is my stream of consciousness when good, bad and even normal life stuff happens. And who I am is partially defined by how others perceive me. Because others perceive us as how we portray ourselves, for the most part at least.
This is a tough task, figuring out exactly how we come across. Comparing the way you feel about yourself, about your being, to the way others see you is something that many people do not even care to think about. But I think it’s important. It is crucial to be yourself. How many times do we hear that? Especially when graduating High School about to head to college – parents and mentors will constantly tell us this. BE YOURSELF. How could we be ourselves if we are not quite aware of who we are?
This is life. Life is a journey. Life is figuring out what we want and ultimately, everyone just wants to live a happy and fulfilled life. There are obviously drastically different goals for everyone on this planet. But if and when we reach our goals – what will we achieve? Happiness.
The best example that I can use is confidence. What is confidence? It is portraying how great you feel about yourself. I guarantee that no one is 100% about the way they feel about themselves. That is why “faking it until you make it” is key here. People have always told me that I am so confident. In reality, I have never been completely confident in myself. But I have been working at my confidence for years, most of the time faking it. In the past couple of years it has become more and more true because I have been portraying myself as a confident young woman. This is helping me shape who I am – by defining how people see me. Now – at 24, I do believe I am confident. Although I have my many flaws, as most of us do – when I go out on a Saturday night, nothing can stop me. And that is all in my mind-set. Say, for example, I have a twin and she wears exactly what I am wearing from hair to shoes. I am the confident one and she is the shy and introverted one. Who will attract more friends, smiles and conversations? Me as the confident twin of course! It really has nothing to do with what we wear or what we do with our hair – but it is all in how we own it.
A great example of this is the jewelry that we wear. I use this as an example because I sell it. I sell it and see that everyone’s taste is so different & it is very interesting to see. I have women come in looking for very simple, plain, nothing-to-them pieces. I have women coming in looking for WOW pieces that are conversation starters. And as for engagement rings, i have women looking for the simplest setting and then those that want to be different and stand out, with a huge rock in the center of course. This has made me realize that the jewelry (and clothing, etc.) we wear does say a lot about how we want to be portrayed. We are deciding to wear bold or boring pieces. Those that come in looking for simple engagement rings, many of the times, do not have the confidence to rock a huge rock. Those that agree with me when I say “Hey, the bigger the better…” have the confidence to bling it up. It is all in how you carry yourself and feeling that you are worthy of that huge ass rock of an engagement ring. Obviously not everyones style is the same – that is what makes the world go round. But, I find it interesting and almost sad when women say “Oh my gosh I could never wear that.” When in fact, it would look lovely on them.
With all of that rambling – all I am saying is that we are all worthy of the upmost happiness we could ever imagine. And it all starts within ourselves. It starts with looking in the mirror – into our own eyes, seeing and being who we are and who we want to be. Confidence is a biggie in showing that we deserve what we want. And if being confident is too difficult – fake it ’til you make it! Take one step at a time. We are all works in progress and that is the beauty of life. If we are all the people that we were five, ten, fifteen years ago – life would be quite stagnate. But alas! We are an ever-growing species and it is time for us to realize that! It is time to realize that we have the potential to be the people we desire to be.
It is time to realize that happiness is right around the corner and the way of finding it starts by simply looking in the mirror.