I have been meaning to write a post for a while now. I feel like this blog is a really great way for me to get some things off my mind and by pressing “Publish” and putting it out into the world makes it feel more meaningful than a secret diary. Ever since I have started my blogs, I definitely lost my need to write in my journal, although I still do at times. And even when no one reads – it’s there, and I can always go back to it like a journal but there are times when people do read and it makes my problems/circumstances/whatever it is that I am writing about that much more significant.
I have graduated from college!!!! Wow.
[Technically, I still have credits to fulfill this summer, but they are online classes and they are in the summer so I don’t even count them.] August is my official grad date but whatev, I walked across the stage of Radio City Music Hall and I wore my cap and gown and I DID IT! How did it feel? It felt SO surreal, that is when I didn’t feel very bored. It didn’t last as long as I had expected but it was impossible not to zone out during a few speeches. I did take a lot of it in and I do appreciate the advice from those that spoke to us.
Basically – I should take risks. I need to be patient, no need to decide right now what my career will be (this makes me happy), be courageous, have the right mindset, and use my time wisely. I know all of these things, but hearing them at Radio City Music Hall directed at me makes the messages more meaningful and more connected to my life. I feel as though right now I am doing none of this – well because I am now moved home and in search of a job that will pay me a decent amount of money and will be tolerable. I am not taking risks or any of that because right now my only goal is to make money so I can leave in order to do those things.
Utica, NY is nice for a week or two. But I know I am certainly not meant to stay here. I have a goal to move to California in one year. I always set goals like this and they never seem to work out but now I seriously have nothing holding me back (except for money, ick). But I figure that in a year I can make enough to get a car and grab an apartment across the country. When people say Cali is too far, I shake my head. Ever since venturing to Australia last July – nothing in the United States seems far. Hell, even Europe doesn’t even seem that far (I would like to go sometime in my near future).
Why California? Well, I have already experienced the best city in the world (NYC, duh) for years now and I have had my share of wonderfulness there. I would have liked to stay but alas my pockets are more than empty. But now that I was forced to leave after graduating Pace University, I see that there is so much of the world and the country that I have yet to experience. The weather of course adds to the pull that I have towards the west coast. The biggest reason I have always wanted to move to L.A. specifically are the opportunities. I have always been interested in acting and quite frankly it is one of the only careers I can actually see myself doing and loving 100%. Although I do not think I have had a big enough taste of it yet, I do feel a huge desire to pursue it. People in NY had looks of disgust on their faces when I mention L.A. but HEY to each their own and I have always wanted to go even before going to NYC. I actually was accepted into a school in Santa Monica and had roommates set up, but my parents decided to forbid it.
I cried for a few days but eventually I got over it when I got accepted to a school in New York City.
I did not love the city at first but these past couple of months especially made me appreciate it and love it for the perfect place that it is. NY has some odd quirks to it but it has helped me become more confident, take risks, explore new places, become a very fast walker (seriously though – now slow walkers make me cringe), and I now have an extremely large connection to The Big Apple. I feel like it is my city. I am not happy to be upstate when I would be much happier on my own there, but I am glad I left on a positive note. Before I left for Australia, I thought I would never go back. I was frustrated with the fast-paceness and just the whole hustle and bustle of the place. Yet, after being in Australia for over five months, my desire grew to go back to my city. I realized how much others would kill to just visit, and to know that I have completely took it for granted made me feel bad. I wanted nothing more than to get back and jump right into the hustle and bustle after laying on the beach for five months.
It’s crazy the revelations that occur. But it is necessary to embrace them, follow your instincts and take your own advice. Taking my own advice has always been a hard thing for me to do. I can give my friends and family so much advice that is very helpful, but it is very difficult for me to take my own damn advice. Why is this? Now I am veering off into another direction of thought, but seriously this is something that I will add to my list of graduation advice from those speakers – Take your own advice, Casi!
Okay back to the topic – – – being home is actually very nice right now. The weather (the nature…grass, animals, trees, etc.), seeing my family and pets, getting back to my roots, and all of that “No place like home” stuff. But having the pressure of needing a job asap in a town that seems so uninteresting with way too many familiar faces, it’s hard to say how long I will last without exploding.
Oh well. I’ll embrace it!
If you read this, I thank you for ‘listening’ to me ramble on about my life.
Be back soon.